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"Come Pick Them Up": Dealing with Constant School Calls, Comfort Objects, and Informal Removals

It is one of the most stressful patterns a special needs parent can face: The phone rings at 10:00 AM. The school says the student is screaming or disrupting the class, and the parent must come pick them up. Again.

When this happens daily, especially over issues like comfort objects or vocal stimming (screaming), parents often wonder if they should move the child to a more restrictive school. However, before considering a move, it is vital to understand the legal and behavioral dynamics at play.

1. The "Pick-Up" Trap (Informal Removals)

When a school calls a parent to pick up a child due to behavior, but does not formally suspend them, this is called an Informal Removal.

  • The Reinforcement Loop: If a child is overwhelmed in the classroom and screams, and the result is that their parent comes to get them (safe place), the school has accidentally taught the child: "If I scream, I get to go home."

  • The Legal Issue: Every time a child is sent home, they are being denied their access to education (FAPE). If this happens more than 10 times, it is a "Change of Placement" without the proper legal meetings.

  • The Solution: Parents must gently but firmly refuse to pick the child up for behavior unless there is a medical emergency or a formal suspension is issued. This forces the school to solve the problem in the building.

2. Comfort Objects: Emotional Anchors vs. Distractions

Many neurodivergent students use specific items (transitional objects) to regulate their nervous system.

  • The Conflict: Schools often ban large items because they are "distracting."

  • The Psychological Reality: Removing a comfort object abruptly—especially at home—can act as a trauma trigger. If a professional (psychiatrist) advises keeping the object for emotional safety, the school's advice to remove it at home should generally be disregarded. The home environment must remain a safe harbor.

  • Vocal Stimming: Sometimes, a student will scream the name of the object even when they have it. This indicates the word itself has become a self-soothing mantra or vocal stim, rather than a literal request for the item.

3. Internalizing the Rules (The "Echoing" Effect)

If a student constantly repeats school reprimands ("No screaming," "Be quiet") even while sleeping or relaxing, this is a sign of Hyper-Vigilance and high anxiety.

  • It suggests the student is desperately trying to follow the rules but lacks the impulse control to do so, leading to shame and stress loops.

  • Action: The IEP team needs to shift from "correcting" the screaming to "replacing" it. If the function is anxiety release, the student needs a replacement behavior (e.g., squeezing a stress ball, going to a sensory corner) rather than just being told "No."

4. Exclusion from Events

Denying a student access to school events (like holiday lunches) due to behavior earlier in the day is a serious concern.

  • Unless the student is an immediate danger to others at that exact moment, preventing them from participating with their parents present is often considered discrimination based on disability.